AnnaPaar

just wrote this
still struggling with art artists blah
hope get through soon
-- rereading feels bit (erh... quite...) uncool
uncool me
... please bear with me

***

when i'm a child
i make images
because i feel like doing it
i enjoy it
i try try
i play


when i want to be comfortable
money-wise
and with all those things
money can buy
i sell my skill
to make images
as others would want make them
or need make them
in order to earn profit
or to represent themselves
favorably
i lend them my hands and
my brain



when i burn for acknowledgement
by those deemed to be,
named to be
magicians
in the temple of arts,
masters
of glass bead game
i find new
a kind of new the guardians will nod about
will say: "it's a new!"
and some of them will blah
lots about how and why...
... while we all make some money
or even more than
most skilled hands ever dream of
... the road to fame (/a brand name) is dire



when i'm tired
because i worked so much for money
(any job!)
or i ran so much for fame
(any road!)
and got so thirsty in soul
i will make images
with skilled hands (if they still speak, do they?)
or clumsy ones
with any hands and limbs i have
with my heart
need say need say
need find myself
look down deep well
where's my water?



when i'm such a proud one
crave for holy for wholeness
for transformation
take me ages!
take me all NOWs!
... i make images
as moment tells
as heart tells
they may show where i stand
while my eyes are bit dim
to see it...
swim flow swim flow

in the end i will
look into your eyes and...
see myself



... still hold the brush
the mouse
tip tap keyboard...
till i fall off
...
eternal kindergarten!

dare dare...

some days ago
a title for an image
jumped to my mind
sex without soul
it jumped out from a book
by clarissa pinkola estés
i'm reading...
then i started feenking (feel + think)
what does it mean?

i liked the wording, yes
still, if anna would use for title
that would simply be flashy
call for attention
(and why not "for a good purpose"? gak! )

so... turns out
anything without soul is not(hing -- aya! ) for anna
like: make images without soul
like: work without soul
like: wish without soul
like: sit here without soul

*

and... what would with soul mean then? ey?
omg, the normal!
yes, the normal!
-- anna doesn't accept normal... as is being broadly used
or art or work and not even use
(-- she says meaning)

what would with soul mean then?
the human... (aha!)
yes

and does this explain it?
... not really... --




sta.sh/01gqs41rp77p


with soul, normal, human
is (to anna -- veeery subjective )
when i talk with you while listen inside me
when look at a flower while echo inside me
when what i see covers in a soft aura
like a mist
is so much here
without question
and beautiful to me

when i stop on my way feel my feet
on the pavement
look around what is here what is?
when i walk past you
and shy to look at your face
still feel you in my chest
try sense...
what you say, what you call, who you are...


when look down the street
and the air turns feel sweet
and the light turns soft charming
tenderness

*** pak inspired by lucid kind
The knitting needle (learning how to dream) fav.me/d5nsv42 ***



ayayay
wish talk art
play
carousel
clouds
ayayay

anna soooooooooooooooo
serious about art
art art art art...
absolutely terrible!!!

kill me pluck me apart
smile smile

crazy is fine
crazy is good sign
very very
very

and ey know what
somebody said to me
(who was it? -- now remember was
3 old women friends --
we had dinner
after not seeing each other for 4 years)
knitting was becoming
all the rage... see
we all pick our old
or new
or found
knitting needles
in a daze
in a haze
of
creativity
at once!

erh?

pseudo philosophy fine too
yay
me in it
for ever






later evening ...
anna tells anna:


be less dense
salon

salon salon

be play

~~~

be less elaborate (iy!)
words

words words

say easy

~~~

be less eager
look

look out

who see me

~~~

be dumb be weak be small




early morning add:

... there's less space for -- (he)art!
more space for excitement
open wounds
yearning

want hope taptap
sink simple smile
daily ground
between us

(original german -- english below)


vermassung
vereinzelung
braucht eine neue art bindestoff
ich kann ihn um mich fühlen

wir sagen
grüß gott
(ohne worte)
und spielen gemeinsam
in der sandkiste
wo wir kuchen backen
tiere
(eher jede/r (s)eins)

mit kleinen
patscherten händen
kneten wir sie

tollpatschig
konzentriert

wir formen sandkuchen
und unbewusst zugleich
einander

das ist eine flüchtige berührung
die wir kaum spüren
oder sie flackert grell
für ein paar augenblicke
und dann vergessen wir sie
und dann vergisst du sie
und dann vergess ich sie
tapp weiter



***

massification
isolation
needs a new glue
i can feel it around me

we say
hello
(without words)
and play together
in the sandpit
where we bake cakes
beasts
(mostly each of us
his/her own)

kneed them
with small
clumsy hands

awkwardly
dedicated

we form sand cakes
and at the same time
unknowingly
we form each other

it's an ephemeral touch
we barely feel
or feel ardently
for some short moments
then forget
then you forget
then i forget
taptap on




wish you enchanted journey!

...like an incantation...

i wake up to our
growing together
becoming one bigger body
humanity
with its darker waves
underneath
and lighter winds
above



( ... glass fiber metall tarmac bones
span earth
while collective un/conscious
grows)

wake up to being
one cell
that greets the other
talks with you

wake up to mind limits
laugh about
how i return and return to
the same old questions --
if i were a fish
would bump my head
against the glass wall
of my tank -|

wake up to
how my most urgent questions
arise from mind itself
mind asking because that's
part of its nature
part of its strange incompatibility (?)
with mother life
-- without mind there's no doubt

wake up and laugh about myself

wake up to deeper layers
of --- life
--- then death

wake up to calmness
wake up to passion
wake up to all my senses
the new ones
the old ones
the given ones

wake up to drifting
soft belly up
trust my back my weight
to bigger stream
seaward -.-.-. ..

watch the sky
landscape in my eye
now and now
and NOW

wake up and dream fav.me/d4t4z4b
wake up to play

wake up to
inner need






wish you lucid dream scintillating morning!